Dating After Sixty 2: My ideal man–the second time around.
In my blog post about Dating after Sixty 2, I will today look at the positive side of things and try to project the ideal date, from my point of view. Anybody with other ideas can jump in and comment; it might make for a fun and interesting discussion, although I suspect that similarities in views might occur according to gender lines.
This man is very likely over 60, as I already would have screened out anybody below the age of 55-ish, although I do peek at those over 50 that contact me. Anybody that I would want to meet, would look quite trim, has looked after himself and works out regularly to stay healthy and fit, and enjoys some forms of physical recreation, walking, golfing, skiing and what have you. He has a reasonable standard of living, at least as far as one can determine that in the early stages of dating.
This man would contact me with an email and not just by sending me a non-committal “wink”, (which I believe can be sent for free). In this age group, it’s wiser to leave the initiative to the man, although I have occasionally taken the initiative, but never with positive results.
He makes some positive remarks on my profile, photos or activities and is quite articulate in his writing. He has actually read my profile and compared the details on my site with what he likes, and these are overlapping at least on a few areas. He is educated, independent and not looking to replace a lost partner with a similar person. He can take a compliment as well. He is actually interested in finding out what kind of a personality I have and accepts me for who I am, taking no offence at our differences, but enjoys uniqueness in each person. He is relaxed and tolerant, regardless of his political colours.
He would like to meet soon and is not interested in endless correspondence. This means that he is not afraid to travel when he lives some distance away. In time, I would also take my share of the travel, if we hit it off and mutually agree to continue a relationship. No, he doesn’t expect me to move in after the first date to take over his housekeeping duties.
This man wants to develop a friendship first and get to know each other, but not too long thereafter, possibly by the third date—that old standard—we will have sex. Why waste time? Younger people might laugh and think: Duh! Read on: That unencumbered sex between older people is not a given, even might be a feat, will be clear to anybody who has survived that many years and experienced trouble with hormonal, psychological, metabolic or circulatory functioning that shows up as EEDEE or as pain with intercourse. Of course, the benefits of Cialis and the little blue pill, Viagra, are advertised widely enough, and women can resort to Vagifem, but those solutions are not in every case suitable or addressing the problems. Surgery for prostate problems might end up in permanent ED and essential meds can cause it as well.
No other problems with his health exist that are chronic or permanent or worse, terminal. So far so good. He smells nice, is healthy, has great personal hygiene and dresses well, has healthy, nice teeth and not to forget, changes his clothes at least daily. I don’t think many people will admit up front to having any of above issues or lacking in personal care. I wished they did, as it might prevent awkward and painful situations–and lousy dates.
Imagine we passed the third date with success. That would have been a date where we spent more time together, possibly on a short trip. He might need to do the driving, but can also relax and let me do some of the driving (or whatever needs to be done). He is not a workaholic!
He likes hot weather and is adaptable, is open to exploring foreign and exotic foods and different cultures with an open mind. This man can freely talk about the ending of his past marriage (but not too much or too often—I really do not need to know what she thought, felt or did every time we do something together). He can listen to my story, without fear for clinginess or dependency, and without needing a commitment yet or needing to commit. He can stop me when I ramble or get off on a pet peeve (I will, at times) and he is open to stating his own fears, hesitations and wishes. No, I don’t need a girlfriend to discuss and analyse everything in a relationship—I have those already—but a man who can admit to his faults and express some basic thoughts/feelings and doesn’t keep secrets, such as other lovers.
Eventually, we would meet his friends and my friends and do the social interaction thing as a couple in groups. He would introduce me to his friends and not hide me, and not ignore me completely while he is entertaining his friends, nor would he cling to me every minute of the event. He spends time on his own and I do too, plenty of it actually. He enjoys music and we enjoy some concerts together. We would feel comfortable doing some socials together and do some of our activities on our own. His children would accept me for whom I am and I would his.
In the case that we get past these stages in good shape and still like each other, we might start talking about living together at some point. I am completely unsure about that stage and have not yet been to that point after having been divorced for 10 years. The glitches can be many and boy, oh buy, you need to forget all those, to still want to continue with the dating game after 60. Yet, I, as well as millions of other 60-plus women and men are out there, looking for a partner, to spend their senior years together. Still crazy after all those years, I guess…